End of term musings

Rainy season is here. A steady shower all day. I'm at that point in the year where I can't believe I will be packing up soon to return to the states for a visit. That 10 months always seems so far off on the front end, then one day it is here. Besides that, despite the rain, the occasional bursts of Caribbean sunlight, heat and humidity don't jive with what my brain tells me should coincide with writing "November" at the top of my journal this week. I am down is Roatan for a few days doing a lot of reflecting, praying and abiding. It's good timing. I needed an imposed respite and space for processing.

What a year it is. God has shared so much of his work with us and it has been remarkable to witness his care, and sovereignty. Thinking of Joseph and how he could say with trust in the goodness of God that what was intended for harm would be used for good. Back in the spring I nearly tapped out for a time.  Circumstances were hard and I wasn't snapping back. It was a time of clinging on and being held on to. What I am blessed to see now is how Jesus is working his purposes in spite of theses things, even directly using them. As a result we ended up meeting some political figures in a private audience. Much transpired and more moved forward towards justice and righteousness than I could have dreamed. I felt like a drink offering pored out so that others may receive the blessing to flourish.

The community is at the brink of so much and stepping forward. Many are tentative, but then aren't most of us when we step into what we don't yet know? I'm delighted at the growth and transformation I see in our team as Jesus draws us ever closer to his heart, building into us greater passion for his world purpose. I'm been dwelling a lot on the way that I seek the Lord and in turn how that directs how I pray. Psalm 27 speaks of one thing. The kingdom of Jesus embodies everything that is His beauty, peace, righteousness, etc. Constantly praying to be a demonstration of his love, or work for his glory, asking for wisdom on decisions or opportunities. But this one thing: to see Jesus lifted high, honored, loved, worshipped, in all the earth.  Praying to that end and then setting the heart, emotions, mind toward that end. To be so centered, not on a task, or even a purpose, but on the King himself.

Well the rain has ceased for the moment so I think a walk down the beach is in order.

Unreached People Groups

This year my team has been going through this hefty book Perspectives on the World Christian Movement.  It's amazing.  Our bi-monthly Skype session with our class leader covered chapter 8 this week.  It was fantastic.  Aside from that we've been taking a look at various resources, publications and organizations mobilizing, equipping, and informing the Church of the work yet to be done in accomplishing the Great Commission.  If you've never taken a look at it, Joshua Project is an amazing source for information on unreached people groups.  Every morning I get an email telling about a group of people somewhere in the world that have yet to know and experience Jesus.  In the middle of my morning journal and coffee date with Jesus today I was thinking of the role that God shares with his people in His Mission to save, restore, recreate and bring His kingdom.  In His kingdom will be those from every tribe, language, peoples (Rev. 7:9).  Thus, the commission and responsibility to take the news and invitation of the kingdom to every tribe, language and people.

So in the midst of Jesus stirring my heart more and more for the unreached, this American comes to speak at a small local church while on vacation.  All of a sudden he has the audacity to state that the whole world has been evangelized.   Honestly, I was in shock.  I'm looking around at the small congregation, a people group who have been preached a gospel muddied by denominationalism, humanism, legalism, and a lot of weird historical influence.  I'm considering my life here, and that we strive to make the Gospel known, to disciple and invite people into kingdom community.  The verses may have been said. But the hearts have yet to turn from other things.  Life in Jesus is not an add-on to what we already have.  It means the death of all the old and the birthing of what is new.  More than anything his statement saddens me because we delay the beautiful coming of the Kingdom if we believe there's no more work to be done, no more mission to live out.  (Matthew 24:14)   And in places like this, we lose the heart to give our lives for theirs.  I want to see hastened the day when all peoples hear for such a glorious moment awaits the completion of the mission:  The coming of our King.  The righting of all that is wrong. Healing of all that is broken. Perfect, unhindered, magnificently glorious fellowship with the most colorful and diverse family imaginable and our Father.  Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will Be Done.

The Rescuer: Themes in a Story Retold

This last week as part of our staff/team morning meetings, we were asked to write in 1000 words or so about how God has worked in our lives. ( I've been wondering this week what I might share with you and will offer what resulted).  This type of thing, when it's not in a real-life conversation, often brings the "where do you start?" question, and how do you fit 30 years (or, 50, 60...) into a manageable recounting?  As I was praying and asking God what he is currently showing me, from my own little piece of story, He really highlighted a theme of a Rescuer, weaving it into how the story flowed.  I'd never seen so clearly some of the specific lies along this theme and how they hinder me from dwelling in the presence of God. Ultimately, he's magnifying how Jesus is and has proven to be always better.

 I remember as a little girl knowing God was out there and I’d dance and sing and pray to him. There was a feeling of security and unhindered being.  I’m the oldest in my family and early on was told how grown up I was, how responsible.  Somewhere I picked up that value came from acting a certain way that peopled called mature.  It came from being responsible, not making mistakes, not acting like a kid.  Soon added to that, was an early awareness of my appearance and the belief that it wasn’t right.  I had a distorted idea of beauty, of self.  And very early I shifted to living in a fearful, insecure state, unsure of love, never feeling that I belonged.  I just was’t right for the world.  Even in the midst of that I had a sense of God, but coupled with my fears, I felt an incredible sense of guilt that I’d just failed and didn’t measure up.

The distortions in my beliefs and sense of who I was made it impossible to be rightly oriented to relationships with anyone.  Self, others, God.  Family grew increasingly messy and eventually my folks split up.  Identity was something never to actually grasp.  I was desperate for rescue. I felt like I was suffocating. I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I believed lies and they took root in my heart and head of my “unworthiness”, failure, lack.  Purpose, worth and acceptance were always somewhere “out there”, nebulous.  I always fell short.  I created stories, imagining being rescued, sought out, pursued.  Or I would try to be the rescuer, the savior.  Since I had such a bent toward feeling shame and a lot of religious pressure from my childhood, I found a cover up in volunteering and serving - it gave a sense of having a role, a place.  At least I couldn’t be rejected for not contributing to mankind. I looked good on the outside.  But I had no way to accept love or really love others.  

I was a mess.  I was emotionally all over the place. I was a train wreck in relationships.  I’d get close and then pull back.  It seemed every relationship ended in rejection.  Never reconciliation. No one ever came back to pursue me.  I believed all I was was something to be rejected; what I craved was acceptance. I’d cry out to God, and slowly, through many things in my life falling apart, he started to open my eyes.  For me, it wasn’t a one moment, everything became clear and felt radically different for ever. kind of thing.  I didn’t trust people.  They always ended up rejecting and hurting me.  I began to be aware that Jesus was building trust with me.  Showing me HIS love.  He started to take away things that I ran to to save me from my pain.  At first this made me really upset and scared.  But over time, I’m realizing the things he took away were really keeping me from actually knowing His love.  

I knew a lot about Jesus and said I believed in him from the time I was really young, but it took a long time and a lot of hurting before I actually started to let him into my life in a way that began to change me.  He was the savior I’d been dreaming of. He was the ultimate rescuer in every story.  He is the one that risked everything to come find me, and save me.  Jesus died on the cross.  He paid for my unbelief, all the walls and barriers and distortions that my choosing lies caused in my soul.  He broke the power of these lies, of the sinful patterns in my life - stealing, hiding, fantasizing. I came to know him as he ardently pursued my heart to bring Truth to shine, even at times when I’d revert to patterns of self-preservation.   I began to respond and reach out and say “yes” to the life he offered me.  He kept pursuing the unbelieving parts of my soul and keeps revealing roots of lies and sin so that relationship with him can be restored.  I would come a little closer to him and see the beautiful effects and I’d want to give into it more, to fall to his wooing.  The freedom he was offering me from everyone else’s claim on me was so sweet, and felt like I was finally breathing clean air.  

Because of Jesus so much is changing in my life.  As a result of my relationship with God becoming rightly aligned, I’m finding I can truly engage with people, love them without needing anything back.  I can enjoy relationships without desperately seeking worth from them.  I’m ever more resting in the truth that I belong to Jesus. That I am more loved than I ever dreamed possible.  And out of that loved place, I can serve the world and the King who has rescued me.  I’m coming to rest that He accomplishes His work, and I don’t have to strive out of my willpower to do something to please him.  That he has purposes far beyond my just behaving “good”.  Instead it’s about enjoying and resting in his GOODNESS.  Jesus is becoming more and more the center of my awareness and existence, the focus of my life.  I just want to be near him, hang out and learn of who he is.  He’s showing me that I don’t have to upgrade the story of my life -my existence, my part in the world - by working hard in some way.  Worth isn’t tied to my performance or behavior or appearance.  Righteousness (“right-ness”) is mine fully because of Jesus. Shame is taken away.  I’m accepted as his daughter, loved regardless of how the day goes.  Hope, confidence, peace. All because of Jesus.  He claimed my life and offered me His in return and it’s far more than anything I ever hope for. He is the rescuer I longed for.  

It’s really a work in progress.  Some days seem more a battle to leave behind the old ways than others, yet He continues that road of building trust and proving that I will not be cast off or rejected.  That he is always with me.

Who doesn't love a rainy Saturday?

The sea was so still yesterday. Unusually so.  The clouds in the distance come nightfall: there are scenes here sometimes so startling that you'd think they were only possible in a CG rendering.  Strange for mid May to wake in the early hours needing a blanket.  A gentle rain had settled in and continues this morning.  Things are quiet and cool, a welcome respite this Saturday following a busy, hot week.  I have no problem hanging out with the houseplants this morning, catching up on the list of things that never quite gets done.  There were multiple parties in the school this week to celebrate Mother's Day.  The local community board is working on further developments at the Children's park next door.  Medical rounds in the community and working in the clinic.

Mid-week a lady came to the clinic.  She sat in my office for a while as we covered the needs and ailments.  This process is different than back in the states.  Patients rarely come out with everything right on the front end.  We chat and discuss one issue at a time, sometimes having to back track as new information surfaces throughout the conversation.  Often after handing out meds and getting things settled, a new piece of the story will surface.  After some time my patient began to express not only her physical  concerns, but opened up to share some anxieties and concerns she was having, opening up some very vulnerable places in her heart and that she desires to grow closer to the Lord.  She knew by heart a passage that she'd been reading this week.  So we spent some time discussing what the work of Jesus means for her situation and prayed together.  She feels convicted about some things in her life and the mis-understanding that her sin causes God to move away from her leaves her feeling hopeless, trying to be better but failing yet again.  Later in the week my intern and I discussed this further.  That while sin (choosing to live our way for our own glory vs. living His way for Him) breaks our fellowship with and enjoyment of the Father's love, it does not cast us out of family, out of relationship, if indeed we believe in Jesus for our righteousness.   This is very contrary to the religion of the island that says your behavior and performance merit you righteousness.  Pray for them.

A day called "today"

The moon so bright it casts shadows.  As Tuesday comes to a close, it's just been a sweet day.  I have all these intentions of sharing with you things that are happening, ways that we see God working, but usually the moment passes. Something comes up. And since I can't find a moment to write more than a snap-shot of the day, I just give up. Well today you get a snap-shot.  This will never do justice to it and I wish I could beam you over for an hour so you could taste the delicious breeze and soak in the laughter and squeals of school children.  Every day here is unpredictable.  Sure there may be some general patterns; sure school is scheduled between 1:30 and 5:00.  What takes place in the 24 hours called "today", well that is just always yet to be told.  Began the morning with my team as we prayed and got on the same page. (We're going through The Gospel Primer from Missio Publishing if you or your community is looking for a read).  Spent an hour or so with a friend for mutual exchanges of language, i.e. English class.  Then a sweet young lady stopped by to chat and being as she is deaf, we signed and laughed and caught up since our last time together.  Then there were trips to the medical clinic throughout the day as needs arose.  Some precious time teaching a math lesson in 2nd grade.  A random and lovely 10 minutes out at the playground with a lady and her baby. It was a gorgeous island afternoon with a cool breeze.  We've been working with her and praying; oh what joy to see her growing confidence, faith, efficacy and partnership.  One of my favorite moments today was coming out the door at recess and all the first graders are huddled at the feet of a vary animated 6 year old "reading" to them from Dr. Seuss.  It's now time to call it a day.  Hopeful that there will be no emergencies in the night.  Grateful to share in this day, in this play, with this community.  Sometimes I forget to thank Jesus for the bigger story He is unfolding before me.  Though there was nothing that felt all that remarkable or anything, it was just sweet to rest in His affection. This is Him at work.

Returning to a place

I was asked recently to share a little about heading into my second year of life on mission in a different culture.Thought I'd share with you those thoughts:

Jesus isn’t a product that we take to another place.  The mission that Jesus invites us into when we are called out and become His people isn’t a project that we dream up. From the very beginning Jesus has been on mission to bring glory to the Father and call people from every nation, tribe and tongue to the fullest possible blessing to be found - worshiping God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength.  As I enter a second year in Helene, I see more and more the relational nature of how Jesus works in people.  He is concerned with process and making us whole. He is all about the culture of the Kingdom becoming ingrained in the lives of people. He is the one at work in Helene. He’s been here since the beginning. I just get to serve Him at this point, here.  

I see the contrast of the culture into which I was born against the culture of the Kingdom, and also the culture of Helene.  The instant nature of communication, results, reward; we expect things to follow a schedule and produce what they promised. However, this is not the way of discipleship. I am struck daily by the need to rest in the work of Jesus.  He is in a process with me, with my neighbors, with the community; a process of transformation.  It matters that we return to this island. It matters that we stay on a course of shared vision that it’s all about Jesus.  I am very blessed to continue on in Helene this year because I see the value of continued relationship with people for the sake of them (and myself) coming to worship Jesus more and more.  It’s through growing relationship that we get to share in life with people, know their story and the world view that shapes their lives.  It’s in that relationship we get to share the gospel - the good news that God’s kingdom is among us and the hope that it will someday be fully realized.  In relationship we learn to apply what Jesus has done to specific circumstances, showing how Jesus is better by far than anything else we would turn to.  

It’s wonderful, little by little, to understand more of Helene and the people here.  Just think of a social faux pas in your own culture. We make mistakes even at home in the context we are most familiar with. So in crossing cultures, it’s a constant learning process.  Just like we are learning the culture of Jesus as he works in us.  We are all relationally impoverished apart from the saving work of Jesus and the reconciliation he brings.  This is really important for me as I serve my neighbors. We are both broken.  Some in more physical or material ways, but we all need Jesus.  Through continued relationship building we can both pray for one other, speak the gospel to one another, see the redemption of Jesus together.  All glory be to Christ the King. 

Back in Helene

Good grief, I hadn't realized so much time had already slipped by!  We're into week three of being back in Helene.  It poured hard the first day or so, but since then it's been unseasonable hot, still and humid.  Very excited however that the weather seems to be hinting at a turn toward rain.  I would be grateful though if it held off just long enough for the construction team on my roof at this minute to finished sealing up the holes first.  I do, however, at present I have a mini-skylight.

There's a team of 6 here this week and next providing such needed assistance in maintaining our facility, as well as good community and laughs.  Most of them have been here multiple times over the years and have a heart to love and serve this island.  They are also learners, and as we share about crossing cultures, transformational community, and the missionary heart of God in sessions each morning, we are developing a curriculum that volunteers will engage with during their time with us.

The days are flying by with teacher training all afternoon everyday for the next two weeks.  Pray for these hardworking ladies who not only cook and clean and wash clothes by hand for their families with no modern appliances or prepared foods, but they also dedicate themselves to learning, teaching and completing a pretty intense training.  On top of that, some of them are also attending classes all day on Saturdays down-island to become certified teachers.

Thoughts on Missional Family

In a few weeks I'm returning to my home on a 5 square mile island. Over the past weeks I've enjoyed sharing in community and life with many friends and newly acquainted folks.  Community. Family. It's a topic Jesus has been teaching me some amazing stuff on throughout the year. At this time, three of us are going back to the island to join with just a handful of folks to live on mission in the place God has us. We've been praying for more staff.And then the Spirit totally spoke into my disordered perspective.  It's so easy to start to think we need more people because there's lots to do. (Don't get me wrong, there's loads to do). But at this point this little missional community needs more people in order to be what it was saved for. Jesus is saving us-together. He transform us -together. We demonstrate the gospel and his love as we do life - together. He sends us into mission -together.  Whether people within the physical location, or folks that move to join us, we need people so we can be a family together, disciple together, be sanctified together, demonstrate love together, live on mission together, see the kingdom break through...together.  It's changed how I pray: that our family would grow so others might see how amazing our Dad is.

Crab Hunting

Under a bright full moon on a breezy dark night we headed off to the shoreline with a group of children armed with flashlights and a big flour sack. Amid the washed up debris and mangrove trees, under abandoned buildings and an old dock, we were on a mission to hunt for crabs.  Imagine being 5 -7 years old and participating as a primary means of hunting crabs, fishing and diving for conch so your family might have enough to eat. With all the fun to be had, for these kids this wasn't just about a good time, but the possibility of good dinner the next day.   I wish I could describe in words so you could hear the voices of the children, their island dialect and cheering, their encouragement to one another and the slightly poetic grammatical flow of the island.  It's not easy for little hands to apprehend big carbs with giant pinching claws.  It's quite a clamorous event, but once the crab is contained and proudly dropped into the flour sack, little faces swell with pride and boast of how big that one was while others offer their congratulating agreement. 


It’s hard to believe, but we have reached that day where the 1 month countdown has begun.  Flights are booked out of Roatan on November 23rd.  It struck me as I sat on the wood deck with the kids before school playing UNO how much I am going to miss them, and it seems strange at this point to step away from Helene and in just a few hours return to a completely different place. Hair dryers come to mind.  And this is the longest I’ve ever gone without driving a car.  

Some afternoons a child will just ask to do Bible study with, desiring to just sit on the deck and read verses together.  Partnerships with churches in the US are leading to increased discipleship and pastoral training for leaders in the island. And more than ever I see how God has put his people in a body, put us together to be unified for His purpose of making his glory and kingdom known throughout the earth.   

English school is in the middle of finals this week.  We are waiting for the rainy season to begin any day now, and thankfully the clinic has slowed down after a few weeks of rampant illness throughout the island of varying diagnoses.  I was not exempt and found myself knocked off my feet for a few days, just when a team from my home church came into town.  Regardless, what a wonderful week it was, full of laughter, song and a little dancing.  The team hosted a singing contest which brought the largest turnout from all over the island than any event anyone could remember.  

As we wrap up in the coming weeks for a visit to family and friend, I am also making preparations and looking ahead.  I believe God is calling me to stay in Helene so my time in the states will be full of many things.  I ask you to pray with me and our team as we prepare for the transitions ahead and as we seek Jesus to show us his plans for the coming year, make a way for financial provision, and direct us in how HE desires to work in the island and in us.  Thank you for your prayers, partnership and support  as you share in the ministry here in Helene.  

Generator lessons

“Most people who become missionaries have an adventuresome streak in them, a fascination with the unknown, a readiness to undertake things they were not prepared to do. It’s good that they have, because very few missionaries know beforehand what they are actually getting into.  In one way, missionaries end up doing much less than they are trained to do; that is, they usually are not able to use all their technical skills in the countries to which they are sent. On the other hand, they frequently end up doing much more than they are trained to do, usually outside their own fields” (from Don’t Let the Goats Eat the Loquat Trees by missionary surgeon Thomas Hale who tells about serving Jesus in the rural mountains of Nepal in the 1970s.  Quote on pg 140 in case you want to read the book).    

Today was one of these days for me.  My freshman year of college I took two semesters of physics.  It was blast, but I have to admit I don’t remember a lot of the particulars, especially second semester, but I recall do recall that we did a unit on circuits and electricity and stuff. What’s my job title in Helene? I have none. It’s simply joining Jesus in whatever’s on his agenda for the day. Today it was working on the generator. Who’d of thought!  

There is no city water or electricity or anything of that sort in Helene.  We pump water from a well and run a series of generators so we can make clean drinking water, run the medical clinic and school and keep groceries cold in the sometimes 3-4 weeks between shopping trips on another island.  It’s also very nice on very hot and humid nights to have a fan.  We have been very blessed this year, and while the guys have put in countless hours to keep us up and running, overall, the generators haven’t been down too much.  There’s a big one and a smaller one.  The idea is to always have a backup. Yesterday both were down which is a bummer, but thankfully the main one was functioning by the end and so today the project was diagnosing the back-up one.  I really appreciated Larry’s reminder that we turn our hearts to the Lord and enjoy and glorify him in the midst of whatever we’re doing.  That even fixing generators can be a time of worshipping Jesus.  

I really don’t understand much of it, though I’m learning; something about needing to create a DC field on the output side so it would put out voltage...so we fabricated a 3 volt charger and went out to the generator house.  Larry had just been on the phone with a tech in the states who stressed connecting the fields correctly.  The right wires could save us from buying a new generator; the wrong ones and the thing is toast. At first we can’t even find a marking anywhere on the two wires coming out..then we find out that the wires are marked in Chinese!  Thanks for working internet connections and google!  Never would have thought that I’d been looking up Chinese translations while working on a generator in Honduras.  Oh the possibilities!  Well, it eventually got very dark and we are still trying to find out what else is wrong.  But since we did need power, it was time to turn on the other, main, generator (I refer to it as “the beast”).  

Now, giant engines that make awful noises and are full of combustible materials make me nervous.  At this point though Larry said he’d like me to start the beast.  I’m thinking flipping the switch like before. Oh no.  Basically the thing needs to be hot wired. He hands be an old oil-covered long screwdriver with a rubber handle and points to a little spot where a series of connectors and wires are in close proximity. Instructions: put the tip of the metal in a small hole-like space to make contact with the positive, then “intentionally”  tilt back the shaft of the screw driver till it makes contact with the other connection, being sure not to ouch the shaft of the screwdriver,....no one mentioned that sparks that would fly and the great ruckus that would follow.  It took two tries as I was caught a bit by surprise on the first go, but proud and relieved to say that the beast was up and running on try #2 and nothing blew up, or was zapped in the process. 

Well, more fun to be had, but once things were powered up for the night we settled in on the deck with the kids and laughed our way through a showing of Tangled before calling it a day.  Now all that’s left is a trip out to see the stars, rest in the provision and love of Jesus and say “good night”.

Children's Day in Jericho

Tomorrow is Quince here in Honduras (the equivalent of the 4th of July basically), thus the week has been full of all sorts of events and happenings to celebrate.  Last week on Flag day all the children on the island walked down to one end around dusk and when it was dark, sparkling lanterns of wood and colored cellophane were carried as drummers drummed and children sang, all the way down the path. It was charming and beautiful.  One of the big things that happens during Quince week is Children’s Day. The Spanish school celebrated on Tuesday this week, which meant no school on the English campus ,and since it was pouring down rain, we enjoyed the cool weather, a day off, and loads of homemade pizza.  

Our Children’s Day celebrations took place Thursday afternoon and what an event it was!  Piñatas (and you’ve never seen a piñata happen like it does here!), games, crafts, songs, food, legos, prizes, candy, loads of cake...and, if I may so, the best station, Bible story.  Now, don’t write me off just yet.  I don’t say that just because it sounds “good” or because I was in charge of this station.  Let’s just say that we had a very special visitor come to share our story with us as we were transported back to the wilderness and invited into Joshua’s tent as he told us of the God who saves and how God gave the people the city of Jericho, not by swords but by His own work.  So the particulars?  I used some liquid adhesive from the medical clinic usually used for steri-strips with sutures to glue on a felt mustache and beard.  Then kinder room was transformed with a Bedouin tent complete with these awesome rugs that totally looked like they came right off the caravan.  I think God delighted at least as much, if not more, in the whole ordeal, even down to the details of the rugs sitting in the corner right when I needed them. The 1st grade room became Jericho with a pulley system of sorts that when pulled knocked over all the cardboard stones on the top of the walls (i.e overturned tower of desks).  The absolute best group of kids were the 3-5 year olds. They were so into it.  We were in Joshua’s tent for all we knew - they were 100% absorbed. It’s a story I know. I could tell it. But living through it with the kids in that tent this week God truly brought out so much of his determination to love and save his people.  That he continues to do so and that he is so good and powerful.  The kids loved it.  The teachers loved it.  And the theatrics of the whole thing just made me giddy. There’s still a few kids who have no idea who the stranger was :-)

Soccer games and sign language

The afternoon was slipping toward evening as we took a walk on a path by the sea, still rough from the thunder storm last night.  Turning off to go through a small cluster of homes, we had just finished over at the soccer field watching the ladies’ community team in a match.  I heard a squeal and turned to see the biggest smile and an adorable two year old rushing toward me with arms out-stretched before I caught him up and tossed him in the air, ending with a big hug.  I was dropping off some antibiotics.  In form with the way of life here there are fewer degrees of separation between tasks, time and roles, so while out recreating with friends it is perfectly normal to also make medical house calls as needed. He’s had a pretty solid chest cold.  But what a miracle that little boy is!  Two weeks ago he was resuscitated after being found drowned in the ocean and by all accounts it is the merciful hand of Jesus that spared him.  

About a month ago I was reacquainted with the family and learned that this little guy is deaf.  Yesterday we had our first “session” of sign together.  Bubbles, picture books and about 7 neighbor kids all scrambling to get him to sign “more” so I’d launch another puff of sticky bubbles.  He will have more teachers than he will know what to do with.  Excited to see Jesus work in this.  Praying about how to connect the other deaf individuals here together and to the community for as of yet they do not have the same involvement and belonging as their peers.  

A walk in the park

School is underway.  I got to help the 4th graders with long division today. Getting to pull out of class with Ms. Brittany has more to do with with the attention than with the math, and I love it!  Plus it gives the teachers in the classes fewer students so they too can pour more love and attention into each individual kid.  The 5th and 6th grade boys brought their machete's to school today.  Nothing's wrong. In fact, it's a great thing!  A community effort is under way to clear out the bush and jungle on the land next to the clinic for a small soccer field and park. So the kids got a free day from uniforms and are getting out of class an hour early to be part of the project.  And they are stoked!  Last night a group of boys and some ladies from the community, in a matter of hours, cleared a huge track of the land in impressive style.  We are all looking forward to watching the kids play in the park.  (I will admit I am not used to watching our rambunctious 11 year olds swing 2 foot blades, whacking away at everything in sight, and I hope not to have to open the clinic today.  We go on in hope!)  Here's to the fun!

Homecomings and Independence

Thursday afternoon, the last day of the 4 day school week here, we celebrated the 4the of July and welcomed home our director and his wife who'd been ministering in India for a month. What a party!  Each class pooled together and some of the mother's backed tasty treats.  Cake and doughnuts were passed out for almost an hour straight until everything was gone. Top that off with some soda-pop and extra sweet Tang, and it was mayhem in the best sense possible.  But what fun to hear those kids sing songs!  The teachers opted to sing God Bless America for us.

I spent most of the later afternoon in the medical clinic. Seemed every kiddo in the school had some bump or scrape. At one time there were 6 little ones all crowed around to watch. There are some nasty thorns that the kids get in their hands, feet, or heads from time to time that work themselves deep.  We did our best. I'm not on the hunt for some topical anesthetic.  One little gal, she had one real legit cut up knee, but as for the rest of the ailments, I think it had more to do with the one on one attention, and love than anything else.  And I'm perfectly content to give out bandages and kiss cut fingers and pray with these kids, speaking over them that they are precious, loved and meaningful.  I smile hearing a little 6 year old say "Aye, Britt-ny, girl"! with that amazing island accent as she stood up to the pain better than I thought she would. Just when it was all cleaned up and everyone shuttled out the door I heard the now familiar "Miss Brittany!!!" A beautiful little 7 year old had been running with the rambunctious, sugar-filled crew and ate it on the path.  So scooped her up and it was back to the clinic.  She'll be fine. Skinned knees and gravel in her palms, but nothing that won't heal up.  Probably more hurtful was the harsh reprimand from an onlooker when she came up bleeding and sobbing.  She's a little kid full of sugar after a party! I think she's suppose to be playing tag and having a good time.   It's a lot easier to mend a scraped knee than a hurt heart.  Independence day. Freedom.  Freedom of soul, freedom from shame.  I want so much for these kids to know that they are loved, that God has a plan for their lives, and that they can be free to become all that he purposes for them.

North-side vs. South-side

Down a path through thick island jungle to a small cleared out soccer field under the hot midday sun all the students from both the North-side and South-side Spanish schools were having a soccer match.  What fun to be in the middle of it!  Bare feet and socks for those without shoes and such energy from the excited crowd.  In the middle of it I look down and a little boy has sidled up alongside me. When I put my arm around him and say hello, he leans in for a long hug.  I love the moments I get to love on these kids.  The highlight of yesterday was sitting on the deck looking up at the kids on the benches as I doled out bandaids to every miniscule cut and prickle and sliver.  Kissed fingers and giggles: it was grand.  It's in those moments I just drink deeply of amazement and wonder. God loves these kids so much and I get to be a part of it.  

One afternoon

Walking down a dusty path a woman runs up to me and says I must come.  I don’t have my medical bag with me, this was suppose to just be a pleasant walk out in the community.  I follow a growing crowd of onlookers over a rickety boardwalk to a small house over the shallow water.  Inside is an elderly man who has been ill for some time.  And today he’s very sick.  Making a quick appraisal of the situation, it was back to the clinic to call doctors and discuss arrangements and possible causes.  Over the course of the next 24 hours as we awaited the doctor and transportation to the hospital, I dressed wounds, placed an IV while other team members lent assistance, and marveled at the care and sweet attention of God. 

In a giant world on an obscure island in a tucked away community in a simple house lay a man who was sick.  And God moved multiple individuals and put us all in place so that as he pleased he could serve this man. That there would be someone to bandage his wounds and ease his discomfort. That someone would keep a cool damp cloth on his head and pray with him. That we would hear his praise to the Lord for his health in the midst of obvious discomfort.  I am awed by Jesus and his compassion.  I don’t always understand the circumstances, but His love is sure and his redemption promised.  

Movies on the porch and dinnertime surgery

The full moon illuminates the sea in a silver glow. It’s bright enough to walk the path tonight.  I’ve had the privilege the last few weeks to work alongside a doctor not only getting to learn more how to help those who come to the clinic, but also enjoying the opportunity to sit and chat with more people along the path as we made rounds daily into the community to see those who have a hard time making it to us.  So we’ve drained boils, sutured severed fingers and pulled a bullet from an ankle.  One of the fingers was the worst.  First time any of my suturing learning opportunities has almost made me queasy.  It didn’t help that it came directly on the tail of a going away dinner for the family who has been with us these last few weeks.  Nonetheless it is a joy to serve here.  Officially finished the 10 week training and study portion and now have moved into a staff position, which in actually means very little change in daily life.  I just don’t have hours of reading due each week...though come to think of it I think I have a paper I need to still write...

I think a few of my favorite moments the last few days have been having a little boy fall asleep in my arms while we watched a movie out on the open air deck.  With Zookeeper projected on the side of the building, there was nowhere else in the world that could have been better than sitting on the floor of the wood deck with this little guy.  Double joy when a few nights later he once again nestled in during Nemo.  This evening while a group of children played games on the deck I found myself sitting with a lady I hadn’t yet met, and we just got to talk and laugh together for a while enjoying a cool breeze and the beauty of the night.  That cool breeze is much welcome.  It gets a bit humid and hot from time to time, but I am grateful not to be too bothered by this.  We’ve been having some generator trouble for which you can pray, but so blessed that there is a fan at night.  My house becomes more and more home day by day.  

I’d been meaning to post something and wanted to share with you some things that Jesus has been showing me lately, so I kept putting off a post until I could put all that together coherently, but alas, that does not seem to be happening; the weeks get away from me. So here are some tidbits and the deeper reflections will just have to come later; too tired for that now.  

In the last few weeks another new adventure would be the English classes we are leading on a nearby island.  The 25 of so Honduran men who attend vary greatly in their English skills, but all are eager to learn more, so gracious to help me with my poor Spanish when I try to explain something, and all and all it’s a wonderful time.  We go through our usual full day and twice a week rush off right when the afternoon school gets out, going over to the island by way of a small boat.  Some nights the sea has been quite rough. We usually leave with the sunset behind us, then return under a canopy of stars, phosphorescent algae or something of that sort being stirred up in the wake of the boat like fireflies diving in the waves.  Other nights the sea is still and the moon so bright you can actually see the different shades in the water made by the black coral or white sand underneath as we go skimming through he shallow water inside the reef.  In the daylight these same areas turn the most brilliant shades of turquoise.

Well, time to call it a day.  I haven’t been sleeping much, but feel very sustained, praise the Lord.  Some visitors leave tomorrow and other folks arrive; every day is new and things are always changing and in flux.  I’ve been overseeing more and more of the kitchen administration during visiting groups.  After putting in the inventory to the director today I’ll wait to see what is available down-island when he shops tomorrow; then it’s time to create a menu for the next 42 meals with whatever items are available and come back o the boat.  

Life on a Monday

April is coming to a close and every day continues press us further to trust and know Jesus, to live another otherwise unpredictable day, and join God in what he is doing in, around and through us.  Today Hosea 6:3 is on on my mind “Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord”.  I default to striving.  I so often can default to trying to live the life I believe I “ought” to live.  Trying so hard to obey a rule, please someone, achieve something, be something.  You don’t arrive at being something by doing something.  The doing comes out of your being, not the other way around.  I am also so prone to forget things I learn.  I want to obey God, but trying to was wrought with frustration and it seemed burdensome, joyless... But once again, I had it backwards; and so, ever so patiently, the Spirit is reminding me: know the Lord. Press on to know him.  To know him is to meet his character and in knowing we begin to trust which leads us to love him which leads to doing what he desires.  Obedience, then, is the fruit of knowing him.  It begins with who God is and what he does.  Then, as Acts 17:28 says “In Him we live and move and have our being”.  Finally, lastly, we get to what we do, how we live, the actions of faith.  But we can’t just go about in our own effort to do something in order to prove our worth, love or faith to God. He invites us to know him, to abide in him, to find our identity in Him; then He will lead us to live the life for which we were created, the one that is most satisfying, true and right.  There is then this amazing effect, that in as he leads us to obey, and we do so, we come to know him even more and the relationship deepens ever still.  

Saturday I enjoyed a very pleasant birthday.  Missed friends and family of course, but so blessed to have a relaxing day and at the end, two new friends surprised me with cake and gifts, the most precious being their offer of friendship and the few hours we spent together laughing, sharing in life and getting to hear a bit more of each other’s stories.  Be praying with us (and for me!):  we have been invited to a neighboring island to lead some ESL classes.  Now, I am not fluent in Spanish by any means, but since I know more than 75% of my team I get the privilege to be the point person for this.  I’m very much looking to it.   I expect it to be a challenge, for that is how we grow and where we recognize the end of ourselves and get to see God do great things.  I also hope to improve my own level of conversational spanish, and to see God raise up a unified community.  There are multiple tensions between different people groups and families in this eclectic part of the world and we watch to see God’s plans unfold.  As a team we were talking this morning with a pastor from the area:  the gospel is about the arrival of the kingdom of God.  Life lived as it was meant to be lived. Life in this kingdom extends into every part: culture, art, science, politics, family, society.  So our daily life includes restoring communities through practical means of medical care, education, clean water, job training, English classes.  Just some musings as I start off this Monday morning.  Praying for your day.

The heart is not a brownie

“But you, Oh LORD, know me; you see me and test my heart towards you” Jeremiah 12:3

I read this the other morning. It was one of those beautiful, delicious times on the deck. The dog and two cats were lying on the patch of sunlight coming through the trees. I’d been praying and enjoying time with Jesus over a cup of coffee when these pictures started to form in my mind as the Spirit spoke to my heart.  Perhaps you can identify with this. 

Sometimes (in error) I have conceptualized God’s testing of my heart like he is trying to push me till I break; finding all the weakest and most vulnerable places. Deeply I was believing a lie that God isn’t good nor does he act for my good, as in this scenario He has little involvement other than putting me through the hoops (sure there are all those verses about the good stuff that testing and trial produces, but if you start out believing the lie that God isn’t really that great, then none of those promises sound all that great either).  Then this other picture: God’s testing of us also isn’t like sticking a toothpick in the brownies while they are baking.  “Is she done yet?”  Like at some point the beating and baking, trials and testing, will produce something he will find pleasing (which might be true, but I was in error on the process and his involvement).  What then instead filled my mind was a picture of the most brilliant of engineers and inventors in the middle of sparks flying, molten steel, hammers crashing, huge beams being raised up on cranes and giant machines groaning as they lift massive loads from white-hot furnaces...He’s attending to a billion and one things, and yet at moments he’s looking through a magnifying glass making fine adjustments on a delicate piece he holds in his palm.  The air is electric with the passion, dedication and joy of this artist.  With each test he runs, he’s making his creation a little closer to perfection. With each trial, he is finding out where it breaks down and then actively removing that point of weakness to make it all the more magnificent.  He has this glorious end in mind and his project requires that things be melted and molded, then refined down and hammered, pressed and polished, cut and fine-tuned.  But all of it is done because he loves what he does and loves what he creates, all with a great, good, and perfect end in mind.  

"Oh taste and see that the Lord, He is good!" Psalm 34:8

The delicious morning tasted that much sweeter. I encourage you to hang out in Psalm 63 as a post script. 

Sunrises and Sunsets

“From the rising of the sun to its setting, the name of the LORD is to be praise.” Psalm 113:3

On a sunny Caribbean morning rushing about getting ready for the team, this Psalm was on my mind.  Excited to meet the people God was bringing to our island and to see what he would do among us and around us, I thought is was a fitting verse given the name of the church, that they were coming from the west coast to our little place on the Point where you see the sun rise over the sea. From sunrise to sunset, the Lord shall be praised.  Seeing God work in so many ways as the week unfolded, hearing of God’s work in the individual stories of each person as they live within God’s great story of redemption,  laughing my guts out at times, weeping at others.  

Those words, however, of praising and trusting God who is good and faithful, from sunrise to sunset, took on another layer of meaning this week.  The doctor, who God graciously sent here for this week, and I were called to the see the baby of a friend.  Despite doing what we could, even sending her off-island for further help, this week we read in a church program her sunrise and her sunset, the days of her birth and her death.  To attend the wake, to sit together, to cry, to listen to her mother sing at the funeral, to walk down the path along the still sea behind the coffin and up the long hill to the cemetery.  Even in these moments, we rely on the love of Jesus, the comfort of His Spirit. So on Good Friday I kept thinking of a Father who knows the suffering and pain of losing a son, who gave his only son, who also watched a walk to a tomb.  

“Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows, yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace and with his wounds we are healed.  All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned -  every one - to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”  Isaiah 53:4-6